john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
