so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
