OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
