CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
