sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
