dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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