is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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