y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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