I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i think i just lost a toe
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
