It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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