So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
