ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My bed smells like the plague
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