Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize