I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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