She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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