I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
