Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
