She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
