thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Girls should come with a carfax report
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
