We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
