i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize