HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
