Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
