You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
