He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My ass is underappreciated
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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