between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
