Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
