I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
