Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
