I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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