She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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