omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
