Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
