i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize