I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
