Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
