bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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