Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
