Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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