the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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