Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize