I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
