I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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