we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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