Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
