big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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