i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
