it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
