this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
