the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
