She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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