in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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