You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
