how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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