i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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