Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
