Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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