I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
