worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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