i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Randomize
