i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
