I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
