"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
